When IKEA sell CAR

When IKEA sell car !. See more poster like this

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Christmas Eve Jokes

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• What did Adam say on the day before Christmas?
  Answer: It's Christmas, Eve!
• What did the big angel say to the little angel on Christmas Eve?
  Answer: Halo there!
• If Santa Claus is crossed with a detective then you would get what?
  Answer: Santa Clues!
• A snowman loses weight in what way?
  Answer: He waits for the weather to get warmer!
• What is the snowman’s breakfast?
  Answer: Frosted flakes!
• What is said by one snowman to the other snowman?
  Answer: Can you smell carrot?
• Where the snowman does dances on?
  Answer: A snow ball!
• How do you know that Santa is a man?
  Answer: No woman wears the same attire every year.
• What monkeys sing on Christmas Eve in concert?
  Answer: Jungle Bells, Jungle bells!
• What a big candle says to a small candle on a Christmas Eve?
  Answer: I am going out for dinner tonight.
• What snowmen wear on the Christmas Eve?
  Answer: Ice caps.
• If someone claps on the Christmas Eve then he should be called as —
  Answer: Santapplause!
• When Santa doesn’t move then what he should be called as?
  Answer: Santa Pause.
• Do you know any bird that can write?
  Answer: Pen-guine.
• Read more : The Holiday Spot  
• ** Get Kids Chrismas Activities & Game Here
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When Cashier Turn Scary Face

When Beauty Turn Zombie

Wisdom Teeth Jokes - Isn't there a cheaper way?

The Quick and Easy Cure For Bad Breath
Do you know Gum Diseases?

One day, a man walks into a dentist's office and asks how much it will cost to extract wisdom teeth.

"Eighty dollars," the dentist says.

"That's a ridiculous amount," the man says. "Isn't there a cheaper way?"

"Well," the dentist says, "if you don't use an anesthetic, I can knock the price down to $60."
"Nope," moans the man, "it's still too much."

"Okay," says the dentist. "If I save on anesthesia and simply rip the teeth out with a pair of pliers, I can knock the price down to $20."

"Marvelous," says the man, "book my wife for next Tuesday!" - Credit to Jokesq

 **  What you should know about Gum diseases **

See what happen when your wisdom teeth taken out,


See more jokes, 
Wisdom jokes, Dentist Jokes, The Quick and Easy Cure For Bad Breath ,How to fight a  Gum Disease ?

Malaysian Jokes ` Kancil'

 

 

Have you seen the Made-in-Malaysia car "Kancil"?
You know, that very little 600 cc car ??? (SeeThe Net's #1 Joke Ebook)

Well, Dr M really wanted to sell it to the US, so when Dr M
paid a visit to the White House after finishing formal discussions with
George Bush, Dr M checks with Bush to find out if there is a way to sell
the Kancil in the USA.

After having looked at the brochure, Bush said, "You know,I think
this 'Kernchill' is too small for us Americans."

777 Great Clean Jokes

Not one who gives up easily, Dr M persisted and finally Bush
offered, "Ok,take this number down. This guy is my good buddy and
he's also the CEO of the biggest compact car distributor in North
America."

Dr M was satisfied
with the meeting and returns to Malaysia.
The next day he called the number and a lady answered,"TOYS R US",
can I help you?"

 

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1.  See Joke Ebook

 

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Ghost Jokes : What happen when you see a GHOST !

See more Jokes ? Visit Here

 Ghost Jokes

What do you call a ghost of someone who was a door to door salesperson?
A dead ringer

What is a ghosts favourite dessert?
Ice scream

Why is it that so few ghosts get arrested?
Because you can't pin anything on them.

Question : Where are baby ghosts under 5 years old sent during the day?
Answer : Dayscare centres.

What ride do ghosts favour at the funfair?
The roller ghoster, of course.

What would you call a ghost's father and mother?
Transparents.

Why are ghosts not good at telling a lie?
You can see straight through them.

Which weekday is a favourite with ghosts?
Frightday.

Thanks : JillJuck

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Fresh From Jail

Read more jokes from jail

While escaped, a convict broke into a house and tied up a young couple whohad been sleeping in the bedroom. As soon as he had a chance, the husband turned to his voluptuous young wife, bound up on the bed in a skimpy nightgown, and whispered, 

"Honey, this guy hasn't seen a woman in years. Just cooperate with anything he wants. If he wants to have sex withyou, just go along with it and pretend you like it. Our lives depend on it." 

"Dear," the wife hissed, spitting out her gag, "I'm so relieved you feel that way, because he just told me he thinks you are really cute!" Credit : EmailJoke 

Read more Joke from Jail : Jail 1, Jail 2 and Jail 3

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10 Things In Golf Sound Dirty

See many golf funny pictures

1. Look at the size of his putter.

2. Oh, dang, my shaft's all bent.

3. You really wacked the hell out of that sucker.

4. After 18 holes I can barely walk.

5. My hands are so sweaty I can't get a good grip.

6. Lift your head and spread your legs.

7. You have a nice stroke, but your follow through leaves a lot to be desired.

8. Just turn your back and drop it.

9. Hold up. I've got to wash my balls.

10. Damn, I missed the hole again. 

Source : SportJoke

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You Know You've Finally Turned Into a Mom When...

You automatically double-knot everything you tie. 

 

You find yourself humming the Barney song as you do the dishes.

You hear a baby cry in the grocery store, and you start to gently sway back and forth, back and forth. However, your children are at school!

You actually start to like the smell of strained carrots mixed with applesauce.

You weep through the scene in Dumbo when his mom is taken away, not to mention what Bambi does to you.

You get soooo into crafts you contemplate writing a book called 101 Fun Crafts to do with Dryer Lint and Eggshells.

You spend a half hour searching for your sunglasses only to have your teenager say, "Mom, why don't you wear the ones you pushed up on your head?"

You are out for a nice romantic meal with your husband, enjoying some real adult conversation, when suddenly you realize that you've reached over and started to cut up his steak! Read more at Three Fabulous Mommies,

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Relationship Joke :Money Talks

During the wedding rehearsal, the groom approached the pastor with an unusual offer:

"Look, I'll give you $100 if you'll change the wedding vows. When you get to the part where I'm supposed to promise to 'love, honor and obey' and 'be faithful to her forever,' I'd appreciate it if you'd just leave that out."

He passed the minister a $100 bill and walked away satisfied.

On the day of the wedding, when it came time for the groom's vows, the pastor looked the young man in the eye and said: "Will you promise to prostrate yourself before her, obey her every command and wish, serve her breakfast in bed every morning of your life, and swear eternally before God and your lovely wife that you will not ever even look at another woman, as long as you both shall live?"

The groom gulped and looked around, and said in a tiny voice, "Yes," then leaned toward the pastor and hissed: "I thought we had a deal."

The pastor put a $100 bill into the groom's hand and whispered: "She made me a better offer." Source 

Read More : Relationship 1 , Relationship 2

Nurse Jokes : Reasons to Become A Nurse

 Pays better than fast food, though the hours aren't as good.
Fashionable shoes & sexy white uniforms.
Needles: It's better to give than to receive.
Reassure your patients that all bleeding stops....eventually.
Expose yourself to rare, exotic, & exciting new diseases.
Interesting aromas.

Do enough charting to navigate around the world.
Celebrate the holidays with all your friends.....at work.
Take comfort that most of your patients survive no matter what you do to them.
Courteous & infallible doctors who always leave clear orders in perfectly legible handwriting. 

 More nurse joke ?  Visit nurse 1, nurse 2, nurse 3 and nurse 4

Fake Shark !

Pilot vs Engineers

After every flight, pilots fill out a form called a gripe sheet, which
conveys to the mechanics problems encountered with the aircraft during
the flight that need repair or correction. 

The mechanics read and correct the problem, and then respond in writing on the lower half of the form what remedial action was taken, and the pilot reviews the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of humor! Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and problems as
submitted by Qantas pilots and the solution recorded by maintenance
engineers.
(P = the problem logged by the pilot.)
(S = the solution and action taken by the engineers.)

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're there for.

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

 

Read More at  Joke 

Other airplane joke  1, 2 , 3, 4 & 5

Sex Change ?

There was a successful doctor who had an office in a small midwestern town.He decided that he wasn't happy with his life and needed a change, so he went and got himself a sex change operation.

A couple of weeks later he returned to his practice. His secretary wondered why it took him so long to return. 'Well, it hurt alot more than I thought it would.'

Then she asked him, 'What part hurt the most? Was it when they cut off your penis or when they pumped you full of air to make your breasts that big?'

He said 'Well, that hurt, but not bad enough to keep me at home for so long. What hurt the most was when theydrilled a hole in my head and pumped out half of my brains!'

Funny Names to Call People

Here are some samples of funny names for you. If you're really starved of creativity then you can just go ahead and use one of these to get your kicks, but the objective here is to enable you to apply your own mind and come up with that one flabbergasting word that no one has ever heard before.

• Douche bag
• Retard
• Dodo head
• Dip stick
• Sloppy nuts
• Numb nuts
• Scrotum lover
• Butt janitor
• Gay lord
• Turd
• Fart licker
• Ass goblin
• Herpes harvester
• McStink
• Shitshack

The act of coming up with really funny names to call people simply requires you to pick a funny sounding prefix or suffix and it to a fairly innocent sounding word. The results are bound to be highly amusing for you and everyone, as long as the person being called the name doesn't take it too seriously and get offended. These nicknames for friends are another way of going about things.

Funny Names to Call People with Glasses and Braces

People with glasses or braces have always been easy pickings for most, and there is a lot of scope here to come up with some really funny nicknames and words. Try some of these examples and see the outcome for yourself.

• Window face
• Mr. doesn't use contacts because he doesn't like the sensation of touching own eyeballs
• Goggs
• Clark Kent
• Glass clown
• Harry Potter
• Metal mouth
• Ironman

Here are some tips for you to come up with funny names for people, and if you keep these in mind it will serve you well.

• Try and pick something touchy about the persons physical appearance. This is the best way to really get under someone's skin and annoy them.
• If you add a really disgusting sounding word before their name (or even the name of a disease) it will be highly amusing.
• Obscenities are unnecessary, as mentioned earlier, but sometimes they too can add a great deal of humor to a seemingly innocuous sounding name.
• Be prepared for a verbal onslaught with the other person though, because they will retaliate. Arm yourself with an arsenal of insults and comebacks, put-downs and slams.

Funny Names to Call Lovers

Now, when you are thinking of funny names to call your girlfriend or boyfriend, you have to be a little more tactful. It would be utterly useless if you went and called your girlfriend a fart licker, so what you need to do is change your train of thoughts completely. Think along the lines of mushy and cute nicknames, and you will not regret it. Here are some samples for you.

• Peaches
• Buttercup
• Pumpkin
• Snookums
• Cupcake face
• Cutsie wootsie
• Dodo
• Maddy

The amusing part of these names comes to the fore when someone else hears you saying these names to each other. They may sound sweet and romantic to your ears, but when you hear someone else saying these names, you will realize how funny it really is.

If you happen to know a foreign language, you can come up with a lot of funny sounding names as well. The choices are endless for you. You can come up with some funny names to call people in Spanish, French, Japanese or Portuguese and they will not even understand what you're saying. It will be even more amusing if there is someone around who also understands what you are really saying. Source : Funny Names to Call People