Sexy Girl With Monster Burps !

Women's Perfect Breakfast

Women's Perfect Breakfast

She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.
Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.
Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.
Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.
And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.

Before And After Marriage

Dancing Walrus

Japanese Dinner Argument

 

P/s : Very Funny and creative

Honeymoon Joke

 

A couple returned from their honeymoon and it's obvious to everyone that they are not talking to each other. The groom's best man takes him aside and asks what is wrong.

"Well," replied the man "when we had finished making love on the first night, as I got up to go to the bathroom I put a $50 bill on the pillow without thinking."

"Oh, you shouldn't worry about that too much," said his friend. "I'm sure your wife will get over it soon enough, she can't expect you to have been saving yourself all these years!"

The groom nodded gently and said, "yeah, but the problem is, she gave me $20 change!"

                                                                                                                                            

Greeting Cards

1. My tire was thumping....
I thought it was flat....
when I looked at the tire....
I noticed your cat... Sorry

2. You had your bladder removed
and you're on the mends....
here's a bouquet of flowers
and a box of Depends.

3. You've announced that you're gay,
won't that be a laugh,
when they find out you're one
of the Joint Chiefs of Staff.

4. Heard your wife left you...
How upset you must be...
But don't fret about it ....
She moved in with me

5. Your computer is dead...
it was once so alive
Don't you regret installing
Windows 95?

6. You totaled your car...
and can't remember why...
could it have been...
that case of Bud Dry?

,, 

Things Not to Hear During Surgery

 Better save that. We'll need it for the autopsy. 

Someone call the janitor - we're going to need a mop.

Bo! Bo! Come back with that! Bad Dog!

Wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what's that?

Hand me that....uh....that uh....thingie.

Oh no! I just lost my Rolex.

Oops! Hey, has anyone ever survived 500ml of this stuff before?

Darn, there go the lights again.

Ya know, there's big money in kidneys. Heck, the guy's got two of 'em.

Everybody stand back! I lost my contact lens!

What's this doing here?

I hate it when they're missing stuff in here.

That's cool! Now can you make his leg twitch?!

I wish I hadn't forgotten my glasses.

Well folks, this will be an experiment for us all.

Sterile, shcmerile. The floor's clean, right?

Anyone see where I left that scalpel?

This patient has already had some kids, am I correct?

Don't worry. I think it is sharp enough.

Darn! Page 47 of the manual is missing!

 

Related website : http://www.jokeemail.com, 

Shopping for a Husband

A store that sells husbands has just opened where a woman may go to choose a husband from among many men. The store is composed of 6 floors, and the men increase in positive attributes as the shopper ascends the flights.

There is, however, a catch. As you open the door to any floor you may choose a man from that floor, but if you go up a floor, you cannot go back down except to exit the building.

So a woman goes to the shopping center to find a husband.

On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

Floor 1 - These men have jobs.

The woman reads the sign and says to herself, "Well, that's better than my last boyfriend, but I wonder what's further up?" So up she goes.

The second floor sign reads:

Floor 2 - These men have jobs and love kids.

The woman remarks to herself, "That's great, but I wonder what's further up?" And up she goes again.

The third floor sign reads:

Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love kids and are extremely good looking.

"Hmmm, better" she says. "But I wonder what's upstairs?"

The fourth floor sign reads:

Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking and help with the housework.

"Wow!" exclaims the woman, "very tempting. BUT, there must be more further up!" And again she heads up another flight.

The fifth floor sign reads:

Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, help with the housework and have a strong romantic streak.

"Oh, mercy me! But just think... what must be awaiting me further on?" So up to the sixth floor she goes.

The sixth floor sign reads:

Floor 6 - You are visitor 6,875,953,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please.

Source : The Joke Yard

Divorce Story

A married couple is driving down the interstate doing 55 mph. The husband is behind the wheel. His wife looks over at him and says, "Honey, I know we've been married for 15 years, but, I want a divorce."

The husband says nothing but slowly increases speed to 60 mph.

She then says, "I don't want you to try to talk me out of it, because I've been having an affair with your best friend, and he's a better lover than you."

Again the husband stays quiet and just speeds up as he clenches his hands on the wheels.

She says, "I want the house." Again the husband speeds up, and now is doing 70 mph.

She says, "I want the kids too." The husband just keeps driving faster, and faster, until he's up to 80 mph.

She says, "I want the car, the checking account, and all the credit cards too." The husband slowly starts to veer toward a bridge overpass piling, as she says, "Is there anything you want?"

The husband says, "No, I've got everything I need right here."

She asks, "What's that?"

The husband replies just before they hit the wall at 90 mph, "I've got the airbag!"

Here some divorce video

Teacher Joke

 

TEACHER: Cindy, why are you doing your  Maths sums on the floor?
CINDY: You told me to do it without using  tables!
 

TEACHER: George can you count up to 5?
George count up to 5 slowly using his  Fingers.
 

TEACHER: Good, now can you count any   higher?
George put up his hand and count to five  again using his fingers.
 

TEACHER: John, how do you spell  "crocodile"?
JOHN: "K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L"
 

TEACHER: No, that's wrong
JOHN: Maybe it's wrong, but you ask me how I  spell it!
 

TEACHER: What is the chemical formula   forwater?
SARAH: "HIJKLMNO"!!
 

TEACHER: What are you talking about?
SARAH: Yesterday you said it's H to O!
 

TEACHER: George, go to the map and find   North America.
GEORGE: Here it is!
 

TEACHER: Correct. Now, class, who discovered  America?
CLASS: George!
 

TEACHER: Willy, name one important thing we have today that we
didn't have ten years ago.
WILLY: Me!
 

TEACHER: Tommy, why do you always get so  dirty?
TOMMY: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground   then you are.
 

TEACHER: Why are you late?
WEBSTER: Because of the sign.
TEACHER: What sign?
WEBSTER: The one that says, "School Ahead,  Go Slow."
 

SILVIA: Dad, can you write in the dark?
FATHER: I think so. What do you want me to  write?
SYLVIA: Your name on this report card.
 

TEACHER: In this box, I have a 10-foot  snake.
SAMMY: You can't fool me, Teacher... snakes don't have feet.
 

TEACHER: How can you prevent diseases caused by biting insects?
JOSE: Don't bite any.
 

TEACHER: Ellen, give me a sentence starting with "I".
ELLEN: I is...
TEACHER: No, Ellen. Always say, "I am."
ELLEN: All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."
 

MOTHER: Why on earth did you swallow the  money I gave you?
JUNIOR: You said it was my lunch money.
 

TEACHER: If I had seven oranges in one hand  and eight oranges
in the other,  what would I have?
CLASS COMEDIAN: Big hands